Stolen Time  Coffee and a Movie
by Atalanta Pendragonne
Summary: Set in the Stolen Time fic & RP JtHMDiscworld crossover setting. Nny and Teatime go to see ARMY OF DARKNESS. The outcome is unsurprisingly violent.


"I'm really not quite sure wh you want me to go to this... movie... with you, Nny. The idea doesn't make much sense to me, I'm afraid." In fact, it sounded quite similar to television, and Teatime had never really taken to television.

"It's not just any movie," Nny said. "It's ARMY OF DARKNESS. Lots of gore and weirdness. Anyway, I think a big screen might bother your eyes less. And I'll buy you popcorn."

"Well," Teatime said, slightly mollified. "I do like popcorn. But do we have to go to a movie for me to have some?"

"It's a good movie, Teatime. And it's not very long." Nny was starting to look sullen, as he did when thwarted. If anyone other than Teatime had crossed him this far, he'd already have unleashed a torrent of verbal abuse and a hail of violent blows with the nearest weapon-type object.

"Oh, very well," Teatime sighed, noticing how cross Nny was getting. He could be so i silly /i sometimes! But that was part of him being Nny, and Teatime wouldn't have wanted him to be otherwise. Besides, the worst that could happen would be a bit of a headache, for which he could make Nny feel guilty, and receive hours of cosseting.

"Good, then." They left the apartment and strolled through the cool stone tunnels of wizarding Las Vegas, taking the turns that would lead them to the desired part of muggle Las Vegas. All the way, Nny assured Teatime that they would enjoy the movie, and perhaps they could go for 'coffee' after.

The prospect of 'coffee' always improved Teatime's mood. "I shan't complain, then, if we can get 'coffee' after," Teatime said graciously as they entered the cineplex, and Nny smiled at him.

As soon as Nny bought tickets, Teatime started watching intently. This was rather more like a play than he'd expected. The line at the snack counter was tedious, but thankfully not too long, or he'd have insisted on 'coffee' then and there. Nny did, indeed, get Teatime the largest available size of popcorn, and (after debating getting a hot dog to eat i at /i Teatime) nachos for himself. After a bit of glancing around to see which theater ARMY OF DARKNESS was in, Nny lead Teatime there.

"Oh! So it is a sort of a play, then?" It certainly looked a good deal like the theaters Teatime had been to on the Disc.

"Not... exactly. It's still a screen like with television. But it's really big." He gestured at the screen. "It takes up that whole screen."

"That would be rather a lot of televisions. I'm not entirely sure you aren't making fun of me."

"You'll see in a moment." Nny leaned back in his seat, munching his nachos and only rolling his eyes slightly when Teatime absent-mindedly grabbed one. He didn't really mind sharing his food with Teatime. And the theater was nearly empty; an advantage of going to a revival. "Look, here come the previews."

The 'previews', Teatime saw, were somewhat like the 'commercials' on the television back at their apartment. And the screen was, indeed, enormous! He'd never imagined they could be so large. The flickering light was still a bit of a strain on his eyes, but not quite so bad as with a television; the room was dark otherwise, and the people weren't teeny. He didn't have to squint at all!

And the movie, Teatime had to admit, was entertaining. The main character had a chainsaw, something Teatime had seen Nny use but had yet to try himself. It looked like a great deal of fun. And there was, as Nny had promised, quite a bit of violence. The... Deadites, did they call them?... were a good deal more grotesque than the zombies he'd occasionally encountered back in Ankh-Morpork (he couldn't quite recall when he'd stopped thinking of it as "home") as well.

Not long before the end of the movie, a cell phone rang.

In the front row, the owner of the cell phone answered it, and not in a hushed tone.

Nny and Teatime glanced at each other with a smile. 'Coffee' had been located.

After the movie, Nny and Teatime both caught careful sight of their quarry. A woman, probably in her late 20s, long straight light brown hair worn loose, jeans, oxford shirt with the sleeves rolled up. And she was heading down an alley, a shortcut to the parking lot.

Perfect.

Teatime took after her at a dead run, and Nny followed at a pantherish loping pace. By the time he caught up, Teatime had grabbed her and had a hand over her mouth.

"What do you think?" Nny asked. "Here, and quick? Or should we take her to the warehouse?"

From the woman's wide, rolling eyes, Nny could tell she'd come to the wrong conclusion. It angered him even more, and he vowed to himself that he'd get in a little extra pain, to make up for the slur on their characters.

"Oh, I should like it very much if we were able to take our time, Nny," Teatime said in an almost chiding tone. "After all, I did sit through that entire movie for you. I wouldn't like for this to be over i too /i quickly."

Nny accepted the hint of chastisement with a vague nod, and came closer, wrapping an arm around Teatime's shoulders. "Take us there, then."

Teatime Apparated them to the warehouse.

Once they were there, he let her go. There was nowhere she could run to; since they only ever Apparated there, the doors were sealed shut. The woman ran, tugging the handle of a door Nny had welded permanently closed months ago. Teatime laughed loudly and grabbed a crossbow from a hook on the wall, cocked it and loaded it, and aimed carefully. Nny held his breath in excitement as he fired, embedding the bolt into the meat of her right calf.

She dropped to the floor, shrieking.

Nny, machete in hand, all but skipped up to her, moving on the balls of his feet. " i Cell /i phones," he said, in a disgusted tone. "I've never liked them." As he drew near, she grabbed at him ineffectually, and he raised the machete and hacked off the offending hand. "That wasn't very friendly," he scolded.

"Is she being unkind to you, Nny?" Teatime asked, following Nny at a more sedate but no less cheerful pace.

"I would say rather unkind indeed," Nny said in a distressed tone of voice.

"Well, that won't do at all." With a little smirk, Teatime stomped on the woman's remaining hand, as Nny bend and grabbed her cell phone and, pulling her mouth open, jammed it down her throat.

They took a long time. Strapping her to the table, Nny took out the deli slicer, and demonstrated to Teatime just how finely it could slice. Regrettably, it was not quite up to bone, and it gave way somewhere around her ankles. That was when Teatime decided she was sadly lopsided, and jammed a meat thermometer in her left calf, and crushed her remaining hand with a sledgehammer before slicing it off as well.

She made dreadful gurgling noises around the cell phone.

"Oh, I do wish she'd shut up," Teatime groused.

"Well, are we done, do you think? We got to try out a few new things."

"I think," Teatime said slowly, almost reluctantly, "I think we're done."

One more sledgehammer blow, and 'coffee' was finished.


End file.
